“I Thought That Was Just My Personality!” — Naming Common Anxiety Behaviors, Part 1
Maybe you've always been the responsible one.
The one who notices things other people miss.
The one who thinks ahead, prepares for every possibility, remembers the details, and somehow ends up carrying more than your fair share.
Maybe you've described yourself as an overthinker. A perfectionist. Someone who worries a little too much. Someone who struggles to relax.
When hearing the word anxiety, many people imagine obvious worry, panic, or feeling overwhelmed all the time. And sometimes it does look like that!
But, just as often, anxiety wears a much more convincing disguise.
One of the things I enjoy most about therapy is helping people find language for experiences they've been having for years. There can be something surprisingly powerful about realizing:
"Oh, there's actually a name for that? I thought that was just my personality."
Having a name doesn't magically change an experience, but it can increase our awareness and help us understand ourselves with a little more clarity and a little less self-judgment.
Today, I wanted to introduce Part 1 of a series on naming common anxiety behaviors.
And here's the good news: all of these behaviors are rooted in strengths! Therapy isn't about getting rid of these parts of you—it's about understanding them well enough to keep the wisdom and gifts they offer while softening the ways they may be creating stress, pressure, or exhaustion.
Do any of these sound familiar?
Hypervigilance
What it can look like:
Constantly scanning for problems
Reading people's moods and facial expressions
Feeling responsible for noticing what others miss
Difficulty fully relaxing
Internal dialogue:
"They're quieter than usual."
"Did I do something? Are they mad at me?"
“Why did they say it like that?"
"That's going to be a problem."
"Someone needs to take care of that. I'll just do it."
"How is nobody worried about this?"
The superpower:
Hypervigilant people are often incredibly perceptive. They notice details, shifts, and patterns that others miss. They may be the first to recognize when a friend is struggling, when tension is building in a relationship, or when a problem is beginning to emerge. Their awareness can make them exceptionally caring friends, attentive parents, and thoughtful leaders.
The pitfall:
The same awareness that helps you notice important things can also make it difficult to turn your brain off. You may begin to feel like it's your job to anticipate every problem, manage every situation, or make sure everyone around you is okay. That's a lot for one nervous system to carry!
How I work with it:
Together, we'll learn to notice when your nervous system is scanning for danger, practice distinguishing between a real threat and everyday uncertainty, and explore what is truly yours to own versus what belongs to someone else. I’ll teach you body-based tools you can use to ground and re-center yourself when you notice you’re scanning.
Perfectionism
What it can look like:
Spending too much time on tasks
Fear of making mistakes
Difficulty finishing projects
Feeling like nothing is ever quite good enough
Holding yourself to a higher standard than everyone else
Internal dialogue:
"This could be better."
"I should have caught that."
"If I'm going to do it, I should do it right."
"Everyone else seems to have this figured out."
"I can't turn this in yet."
“I’m a failure.”
The superpower:
Perfectionistic people often care deeply about quality and take pride in doing things well. They are frequently conscientious, dependable, and committed to excellence. Others often know they can count on them to follow through and do things thoughtfully. Their attention to detail is unmatched!
The pitfall:
Perfectionism can slowly turn every task into a test and every mistake into evidence that you're falling short. Over time, it can become exhausting to feel like your worth is constantly tied to your performance.
How I work with it:
We'll explore what perfectionism is protecting you from (rejection? humiliation? and practice allowing "good enough" to be enough. The goal isn't to lower your standards—it's to loosen the pressure. I might have you practice intentionally turning things in before you feel ready and tracking the outcome.
Overthinking
What it can look like:
Replaying conversations
Analyzing decisions
Getting stuck in "what if" scenarios
Difficulty making choices
Feeling trapped in your own thoughts
Internal dialogue:
"What if I made the wrong choice?"
"I should think about it a little more."
"Maybe I should have said that differently."
"I just need more information."
The superpower:
Many overthinkers are thoughtful, reflective, and insightful. They often consider multiple perspectives, anticipate consequences, and approach decisions carefully rather than impulsively.
The pitfall:
The same mind that helps you think deeply can sometimes make it difficult to move forward. At a certain point, more thinking stops creating clarity and starts creating paralysis.
How I work with it:
We'll learn to recognize when thinking is helping and when it's keeping you stuck. We'll also practice building comfort with uncertainty and reconnecting with your body, values, and intuition.
Reassurance Seeking
What it can look like:
Repeatedly asking others what they think (emphasis on repeatedly, we all ask others’ opinions on things!)
Seeking validation before making decisions
Checking and re-checking things
Excessive Googling or researching with AI
Internal dialogue:
"Can you just tell me if this sounds okay?"
“What would you do?”
"I know I've already asked, but..."
"OK, but what about..."
"I just need to make sure."
The superpower:
People who seek reassurance often care deeply about relationships and making thoughtful decisions. They tend to be conscientious, considerate, and aware of how their actions affect others.
The pitfall:
The relief reassurance provides is often temporary. Before long, another question appears, another doubt creeps in, and the cycle starts again.
How I work with it:
We'll work on building trust in your own judgment and increasing your ability to tolerate uncertainty without immediately needing an answer or a second opinion. This takes practice! Sometimes I’ll ask clients to keep a journal to note how they felt before, during, and after they practiced making decisions on their own.
A Final Thought
If you recognized yourself in some of these descriptions, remember that the goal isn't to get rid of these parts of yourself.
The goal is to understand them.
Many of the behaviors we explored today developed for a reason. They may have helped you succeed, stay safe, care for others, solve problems, or navigate difficult situations. The challenge comes when those strengths become overworked and begin asking more of you than they were ever meant to carry!
Awareness is often the first step toward change. Sometimes simply being able to say, "Oh, that's what that is," can open the door to a different way of relating to yourself.
In Part 2, we'll explore several other anxiety behaviors that often fly under the radar, including people-pleasing, procrastination, irritability, and difficulty resting.
Until then, I wonder:
Which of these felt most familiar to you?
If anxiety, overthinking, perfectionism, or feeling like you're carrying too much has been weighing on you, I'd be honored to support you. Feel free to reach out or schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.