“Wait, That's Anxiety?” — Naming Common Anxiety Behaviors, Part 2
Welcome back for Part 2 of naming common (but sneaky!) anxiety behaviors!
If you haven't read Part 1 yet, it's a good place to start — we covered hypervigilance, perfectionism, overthinking, and reassurance seeking. Today we're picking up right where we left off with four more anxiety behaviors that can be surprisingly easy to miss, even in yourself.
As a reminder: the goal here isn't to pathologize every personality trait or convince you that something is wrong with you! It's to offer language. Because sometimes simply naming a pattern can shift how we relate to it, hopefully with a little more curiosity and a little less self-criticism!
Let’s get to learning!
People-Pleasing
What it can look like:
Saying yes when you mean no
Apologizing frequently — sometimes before you've even done anything
Difficulty expressing a need or preference, especially when you think it might disappoint someone
Feeling responsible for how other people feel
Shrinking yourself to keep the peace
Internal dialogue:
"I don't want to make it a big deal."
"It's fine. I'll just figure it out."
"I don't want them to think I'm difficult."
"If I say no, they'll be upset with me."
"I can just do it myself — it's easier."
The superpower:
People-pleasers are often deeply empathetic and attuned to others. That capacity to read a room, care about relationships, and show up warmly is a genuine gift!
The pitfall:
When kindness becomes a strategy to manage anxiety rather than something freely chosen, it stops feeling like a gift and starts feeling like an obligation. Resentment and burnout often follow.
How I work with it:
We'll explore what people-pleasing is protecting you from — often a fear of rejection or conflict — and practice small moments of authentic expression. The goal is building tolerance for the discomfort that can come with disappointing someone.
Procrastination
What it can look like:
Putting off tasks that feel high-stakes or unclear
Getting busy with other things when something important is looming
Waiting until the last minute — and then somehow pulling it off (this sneakily reinforces the loop!)
Starting things but struggling to finish them
Avoiding tasks that require a decision you're not sure about
Internal dialogue:
"I'll start once I feel more ready."
"I work better under pressure anyway."
"I just need to be in the right headspace."
"I don't even know where to begin."
"I need to do these other small things first."
The superpower:
Procrastination is rarely about laziness. It's often a sign of high standards and real sensitivity to getting things right — qualities that, when channeled well, lead to thoughtful, quality work.
The pitfall:
Avoiding the task brings temporary relief, but the task is still there — now with added guilt and time pressure on top. The longer it sits, the bigger it tends to feel!
How I work with it:
For many people, procrastination is not about the task itself and actually about what the task represents — fear of failure, judgment, not being good enough, or losing control of the outcome. Once we name that, we figure out a first step so small it almost feels too easy. That's usually where the momentum starts.
Irritability
What it can look like:
Feeling short-tempered or easily frustrated
Snapping at the people closest to you
Low tolerance for noise, interruption, or unexpected changes
Feeling like everything is "too much" at once
Reacting in a way that surprises even you
Internal dialogue:
"Why can't people just leave me alone?"
“Why do I always have to be the one to do everything?”
"I shouldn't have said that."
"I don't know why everything is bothering me so much right now."
"I'm so snappy lately and I hate it."
The superpower:
Irritability is your nervous system communicating — loudly! — that something is off. It's not a character flaw. Simply noticing the signal is actually the starting point for real change.
The pitfall:
Because irritability tends to come out sideways — at partners, kids, coworkers — it's one of the anxiety presentations people feel most ashamed of. But a nervous system running on empty often expresses itself as frustration before it expresses itself as fear.
How I work with it:
Irritability is usually a signal, not the problem itself. In session, we work backwards — what's been depleted, what's gone unspoken, what's been asked of your nervous system lately. From there, we identify earlier warning signals (both somatic and cognitive) so you can catch yourself before you're already over the edge.
Difficulty resting
What it can look like:
Feeling guilty when you're not being productive
Turning to your phone because sitting quietly feels uncomfortable
Filling every spare moment with something to do
Trouble falling asleep because your mind won't slow down
Rest that doesn't actually feel restful
Internal dialogue:
"I should be doing something."
“What needs to be done?”
"I'll rest once I finish this."
"I can't just sit here."
"I’d love to relax if other people would get things done."
The superpower:
People who struggle to rest are often driven and deeply committed to what they care about. That energy and follow-through are genuinely valuable — they show up, keep going, and get things done.
The pitfall:
For many anxious nervous systems, stillness doesn't feel safe. Instead it feels like an invitation for everything busyness was keeping at bay to come rushing in. Rest becomes something to earn rather than something to simply inhabit. After awhile, this busyness can take a real toll on both physical and emotional health.
How I work with it:
A lot of this work is about helping the body learn that stillness isn't a threat. That might look like gentle mindfulness practices, redefining what rest even means for you, or just noticing what comes up when things get quiet. I’m not going to ask you to sit for 30 minutes of meditation, but we will practice small pauses to build your capacity for rest!
A Final Thought
If any of this felt familiar, I want you to know that these patterns make sense!
They're not personality flaws or things to be embarrassed about, they're your nervous system doing its best. And with a little support, there's a lot of room to feel different! Awareness is always the first step, and sometimes just reading something and thinking 'oh, that's me' is enough to start.
And one more thing worth saying: recognizing yourself in this list doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Plenty of people have these tendencies and are doing just fine!
The real indicator isn't the behavior itself — it's whether it's working for you anymore.
If your current “operating system” is humming along, great! But if you're noticing that some of these patterns are creating more stress than they're solving, that's worth paying attention to. You’ll know the difference! And, in the meantime, feel free to use the 'how I work with it' tips yourself! Sometimes a little extra self-reflection is all we need.
If you feel like you need more help with anxiety, I'd be honored to support you. Feel free to reach out or schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.